Happy belated Mother’s Day to all y’all who celebrated yesterday – I hope you got what you wanted, be it showered with love and affection or left blissfully alone. <3

So, I found myself in the Boring Aisles of the pharmacy the other day, wondering if it was time for my nearly-thirty-five-year-old postpartum self to get a little more fibre in my diet. You know, because for some reason probably unrelated to stress because god knows what I could feel stressed about, I just sort of feel Unwell, like, a lot.

Then I got to thinking – and resenting, a little – how much wellness I have to inflict on my body these days to get it to act even remotely like it did before birthing a wholeass person. It’s expensive! And confusing! And there’s so much of it. So, this mother’s day I was thinking a lot about the… literal costs of motherhood.

Thank you people on Twitter who helped source some of these! Not all of them apply to me, and thank goodness for that. There’s also the ones that are unrepresentable: lost lifetime earnings, the cost of pelvic and other physiotherapy, a new wardrobe, and the optional-but-expected cost of fitness and weight loss regimens… there’s a lot, y’all. It’s the pink tax’s evolved form.

A key, left to right and top to bottom:

Incontinence pads, blood glucose monitor and strips, Diflucan, SSRIs, new glasses, earplugs (for new sound sensitivities)
Insoles (for plantar fasciitis and foot shape changes), new bras/nursing bras, acne treatment, new skincare routines, stretch mark cream
Compression socks, pessary, mouthguard, Tucks pads, breast pads
Wrist brace, lubricant, hemorrhoid cream/suppositories, lanolin
Calcium, antihistamines, antacids, glucosamine, stool softener, fibre supplements