#646: New Truths

on August 11, 2025

I could handle brontosaurus not being a real dinosaur… and then being reclassified as a unique dinosaur. I could handle, just barely, Pluto not being a planet. Momo brings home plenty of weird science facts – and let’s not even talk about how they’re teaching math and reading these days.

But vegetables not being real is something I’m not quite ready to give up on. If we don’t have vegetables, we have nothing! We must hold the line for vegetables! The children must not know that they do not technically exist as a food group!

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TRANSCRIPT

Panel 1: View looking up at a Neoclassical building labelled ‘Ministry of Childhood Truth’
V/O: Welcome, everyparent, to the decennial meeting for updates to science for those who talk with children. The children have already been apprised of these findings, so time is of the essence.

Panel 2: A woman stands at a podium
Woman 1: We’ll start by reviewing past business: the matter of pluto’s planethood, and re-adding brontosaurus to the list of dinosaurs… before moving on to new business: the fact that there is no such thing as a vegetable.

Panel 3: Another woman in the crowd, wearing a Brontosaurus hat and Pluto-truther t-shirt, cries out.
Woman 2: No!! You can’t do this to us again! if we don’t control vegetables, we control nothing!