How Baby

I meant to post this one in a timelier manner, but my ‘winter break’ was eaten up by working on my next comic, YRSA, and then two (!!) How Baby Mondays fell on holidays, and the days I would have been working on it, I was doing holiday things. Lindsay can have slightly fewer comics to draw over a holiday, as a treat, I guess, haha.

Christmas isn’t exactly high on the list of holidays for me – it’s a lot of labour and not a lot of thanks, plus it’s dark and cold and I’m tired and, just, euuurgh. I appreciate the end of the year and the winter season, but not all the trappings and the expectation to make it perfect. Plus, my holidays this year were bookended by a death in the family and my dog getting cancer, so we’re not really lovin’ it this time around, folks.

But I had a realization this year, setting out and putting away all the Christmas dosh – so many of my Christmas decorations are heirlooms, not only from my childhood but also my mother’s too. It’s the only reason I put them up, even though the holiday isn’t special to me – the things are. And the things trigger memories of all the work my own mom put in every year to make this time of year special for me, and now I know firsthand it was a LOT of work.

One day, I hope Momo is opening a musty Rubbermaid box like I am now, and getting misty-eyed over the sense memory of these things being around for her special holiday times, too. Like, against all odds Momo still believes in Santa, and magic, and all the goodness they’re supposed to stand for. She is still DEEP IN her memory formation of these times, and…

…I don’t know, I just had A Moment. Not one of those more common moments, where you realize your child has outgrown something and you missed it, but when you stop and realize that you’re still in the game, baby – you’re still the best person ever, you’re still the bearer of all the magic, and the caretaker of their future memories.

These are her ‘good old days.’ There’s a bittersweetness to that, but also a solemn duty. I think, next year, I’ll like Christmas a little more.