I would love to be the kind of person who has a home full of lovingly tended plants. I’ve tried a few times, but I’m one of those people who just can’t seem to keep a plant alive. If it needs water, it’s done for.

Which is wild, because I often hear that people who aren’t having children due to the economy/renting/debt/etc are putting that energy into caring for plants – so you’d think, maybe, that they’re transferable skills. That I’m clearly able to keep one – arguably more difficult – living thing alive, so plants should be no problem!

This argument overlooks the fact that I will settle to only the level of dedication that is demanded of me. I couldn’t ignore Momo either physically, emotionally, or legally – but a plant? They don’t put you in prison for neglecting a plant, and if something’s not actively yelling for my attention, it’s probably not going to get it.

So, I have fake plants now. Thanks, IKEA!

This comic features a cameo from new patron, Anna! Anna has never gotten me a giant monstera plant, but she did become a $10 patron over on Patreon, which means that in addition to my undying gratitude, she gets to be a character in How Baby. Thanks, Anna!! <3